But I say this specifically: I've hung out with more guys than girls. I don't mean I am friends with more guys than girls. I don't even think I am friends with everyone in the same way. I believe that the word "friends" is just complex as the world "love." You can love your parents, your siblings, your significant other, your friends or your even your dog Fido. So, I understand the skepticism for those who hesitate when I am friends with their significant other. But, it can happen, just, maybe unconventionally.
I understand that often, the moment friendships become complicated is when friends are confused with something else--be it physical attraction, romantic feelings, or a little bit of both. But as a straight female, I am honestly going to meet a few attractive men in my life. This will happen. I also realize that my boyfriend and future husband is going to meet a few attractive women in his life. That's going to be completely normal. There are a number of great people in this planet. I can't stop that. But, if I think that my man is going to jump at the chance of sexual freedom at any given interaction with an attractive female, either I've got trust issues or he is one perfidious partner. And neither one of those things can be blamed on the relationships between friends. Those are just issues between us as the kind of people we are.
I think that restricting yourself from friendships just because of complications is taking the easy way out. In relationships of the past, I've over romanticized the times I spent with guys I clicked with and made the effort to see--who I weren't "allowed" to see. It became this special adventure, where I could be this other exciting person I couldn't be with the significant other. It was a perfect breeding ground for infatuation, and many times, it did end up that way. I wasn't trusted during these moments, and I didn't feel like I could be trusted. The secret moments I could slip away were volatile, ready to break through my relationships and explode.
But if experience had taught me anything over time, it had taught me that moments are always what you make them out to be. I hang out with some pretty cool guys and girls all the time now, and well, that's just a normal thing. It's fun, and I love my friends, but I really always will be in love with the one I've got at home. I've become completely comfortable with that, and I've never been happier.
My boyfriend goes on a lot of business trips for long periods of time, and the trips usually take him out of the country. Yet, I believe our relationship and trust is the strongest out of any others I've ever been involved with before. Whether he is in town or out, I can be completely honest with him about who I hang out with and what we do, and the same goes for him in reverse. Being able to that kind of trust is crucial. It means you're able to have the trust in knowing that you are loved completely for who you are. I am not a perfect person, I don't belong on a pedestal. But I try; I know when the line is crossed, and I don't cross it. Any imperfections I've got along the way are dealt with in honesty. And we deal with them together.
And I know what a lot of people are thinking. Can you really trust one-on-one time, and even more questionably, can you trust when alcohol is involved? Well, that's up to you. I thought about this one for a long time. There's a moment in the movie, The Five-Year Engagement, that really resonated with me. When the main characters argue over a bad night at the bar and a make-out session that shouldn't have happened, the argument went something like this:
GIRL: He kissed me!There are obviously huge differences between my friendships with girls and guys. I don't care what some oblivious girls say, it is not better to go shopping with guys (mainly because they probably are not actually enjoying it the same way you are) and guys are not less drama (especially the ones who are trying to sleep with you). Sometimes when girls say they are cool with guys and they would much rather be friends with guys then girls, but then they just end up having cocktails and talking about their boy problems with these poor guys, and I kind of imagine this like when Lisa Simpson dresses up Snowball like a baby.
GUY: You know what? That is a cop out. That is not fair. Yes, he may have been the one who kissed you. But there is a reason that he felt like that was an option. You know that's the truth.
There are exceptions, I get it. I like to talk about things that generally more guys will understand than girls. I grew up idolizing my brother. I work in male dominated environments. I totally get it. But here's the major similarity I have between my guy friends and my girl friends: I do not stand in KISSING DISTANCE WITH THEM. I don't linger there. I don't gaze romantically in their eyeballs. The major difference between my guy friends and girl friends? I am always conscious of not crossing the line between myself and guys. I love my guy friends, I am proud of them, and I will always try to be their friends despite complications. But I am never going to forget that it will always be a possibility. I've learned my lesson here. Sometimes it was the hard way, but I get it now. I am not going to lie and say, I love these guys like my sisters. Because I don't. They're not my sisters. But that's okay. I'm not going to pretend they are. That's why it works.
