I recognize that I have problems with other girls. Mind you, I'm not saying that I don't have problems with other guys--that is another issue for another time. To finally get something off my chest, I just want to put it out there, yes. I have a lot of problems with girls. My main problem is simply that I don't understand girls. I don't think I ever did, and I'm starting to wonder if I ever will.
One of the most awkward moments for me generally has to do with a situation when I am alone with other girls, either sequestered in the girls' end of the table or--most especially--during girls' night out. I have no idea how to relate to girls. After speaking about the weather, school, work, maybe Ryan Gosling (though I don't like him very much), I run out of things to talk about. Cue: Me fading into the background. Awkward wallflower for the rest of the night.
For as long as I can remember, I had always looked up to my brother and father, and I always wanted to be like them. I hung out with them, I hung out with their friends, and you know what, I always preferred it. But it wasn't because of anything other than the fact that I just liked the same things. That is all. Now, I'm talking about a much simpler time when these "bros" I hung out were, really actually related to me (including my literal bro), and as long as I kept up in video games and whatever games we played outdoors, it was cool. So, when we're talking about what makes me feel comfortable, and what brings back to me a feeling of home, I return back to these times. I can understand these things.
When I reached to that dreaded age when going to school meant more than just learning how to count beyond the number ten, I learned that getting the "cootie shot" was the first of many excuses guys would invent to talk to girls. And that was just it, I became a girl. Yeah, yeah I get you, I was always a girl, but somewhere in the 90's I became a legitimate girl. Like, on the first day of school, if I sat down next to a guy, he'd look at me like a deer in headlights. Suddenly this swap changed everything. During lunch, girls sat with girls, and boys sat with boys. Enter: the next awkward decade of my life when I tried to learn just about everything I could about hair, makeup, and clothes. I still cringe when I think about these years. It just wasn't me.
I admit, gender wasn't the only factor in my life that caused me to reached an identity crisis or two. But, I would say that it is the one of the few things that I still haven't reached a sense of harmony with yet. So now I can cut to the chase as to why I have a problem with girls: there is no sisterhood. You know what I mean. Everyone knows what a brotherhood is, in fact everyone wants to be part of THE brotherhood, but no one wants to be a part of the sisterhood, unless it follows ya ya, or is followed by the traveling pants. What the hell is that, traveling pants? That doesn't even sound cool.
I'm at a point in my life where I decided a change in my career was necessary. After a long journey of soul searching, I found where I need and want to be. The only problem is that it's in a male dominated field. But not only does this mean I have to fight awkward boys, now I have to fight their awkward girlfriends. Neither awkward boys nor awkward girlfriends want me to do well in this field. And that sucks.
Here's the thing that these girls don't understand. I'm not part of the sisterhood of Olivia Munns wearing skimpy clothes and talking about video games for attention. I'm not here to steal anyone's boyfriends. I just want to do well in my field, and I want to enjoy what relevant hobbies that happen to stem from them. In fact, the secret behind the Olivia Munns in the world, is that they get by scratching the superficial surface of what the boys are into. But let's see those girls talk seriously. That's when the boys get real. They get defensive and question your knowledge. Oh, it's okay if a pretty girl's just here for oogling, but when a girl thinks she's smarter, then shit goes down. Shit gets real. I wish girls knew that.
I don't get a special treatment. I'm not complaining about the choices I made, but I just wish that girls knew that I do not get special treatment. To get real, actual respect, I can't just post a couple of pretty pictures and giggle. I've worked hard to get where I am, and I'm working harder to get where I'm going. I've spent legitimate time studying programming, or on a less serious matter, I legitimately enjoy Star Wars. I can quote that movie and answer trivia because I've simply grown up watching it multiple times. There was never a point in my life where I just thought it would be cool to be cool with the boys and started memorizing lines. That's ridiculous. Those boys are nerds. That's like working harder to sit at the nerdy table at lunch. That's the opposite of what people strive for in their coherent minds.
So, my frustration stems often from girls who don't like it when I talk to their boyfriends. Here is the problem: these are my classmates, these are my coworkers, these are guys like my brothers. Some of these guys I've known for actual decades. Honey, if I wanted your man, you'd know. If I just wanted to text him about a newegg deal or crack a weird nerdy joke, that's certainly, definitely not me working my game on him. Sure, there's an initial freak-out from guys when a nerdy girl comes along, but that's only cause it's like "Oh shit! we never see girls, WTF is going on?" Then the hype quickly dies out, and the fun is over. Then it's just you getting mad when you see my name on facebook. And that's lame. Your boyfriends chose to be with you because you can offer them something they can't get at work, school, or with their other nerdy geezy friends. Be confident about that, or if you can't, then take the time to show more interest in the things they care about to the point where you can start feeling confident again. Either way, just don't displace the anger on me. I'm just a third-party person outside of your relationship.
Alls I'm saying girls, is that I'm not your enemy. At the end of the day, I just want to be friends. But you won't let me. You think I'm out to get you, or you need to get me out of the picture. Whatever happened to the sisterhood? Is it because I don't have traveling pants??? Is that something I can buy on eBay??
