A couple of posts back, I complained about girls, and demanded for more sisterhood (sans the traveling pants). But the truth is, I actually deserve the award for being the worst sister. Cue the music, this is my confession.
I can be a very critical person. The level of how much fluctuates, depending on how close someone is to me. The closer they are tied to me in my life, the harder I become to please. This is usually out of two reasons: I am protective and territorial, and I want the best for those I care about. What I regret the most, is when I let it get the best of me, and begin moving towards judgment and negativity.
The habit I learned from being a writer is the tendency to read into people's characters too closely. The habit I learned from studying science, is the default stance as an objective observer. These things are fine when the subject is anything but actual people. The problem is that I can get so wrapped up in what I see and think, that I lose sight in the understanding that we are all human. No one is perfect--especially me. But often times I get mad, upset, or sad over mistakes. My emotions are usually supported by the regret that if a fault was caught or understood early enough, bad things could be avoided or prevented. But how could I be so naive?
Because we can never actually get to perfection, in the end, I just become a really angry person all the time. I hate that about myself. When there are people who genuinely love me, I become antagonistic to the very nature of who they are, just because I am a perfectionist to a fault and I have some falsely supported belief that we can all be better. And that isn't fair. The more I try to change people to what I believe is right, the more I am just trying to change them to be someone different than who I have loved in the first place. And really, I'm just out making people feel bad for who they aren't, instead of loving them for who they are.
I oftentimes forget that we are all constantly making mistakes. The best thing to help someone move forward isn't breaking them down to see faults. Humans have infinite faults. The best thing for the people I love is really just being there and supporting them to build the best they can be.
So hey, I should stop being such a jerk all the time.
